Wednesday July 9, 08, continued

I'm just having a major breakdown today. The damn electric company is messing with me now. They say my bill was late last month and I can't remember why or if it really was. There is no reason for it to be. Who the hell knows. I sure don't. They took me off averaging and I can't be off averaging. I can't pay the big electric bills when I'm no on averaging. I can't take no more Tanja. If it's not one thing it's another. I'm so tired of life. I just can't take no more. I finally broke down into tears while on the phone with the electric company. They are having a supervisor call me back sometime today. I don't know what happened last month, I just don't have a clue. I'm so tired of them messing with me. They've been messing with someone on my bill for a friggin yr now and I'm tired of it. Either they drop my averaging or they change my due date and take off the extended due date I have set up. I just looked at my check register and it shows that I paid the bill on 6/5 and that was the due date. I paid through choice pay and they show I didn't pay it till the 6th.
I just can't take no more. I'm going to wind up having to get rid of my dogs and get an apartment and I can't live without bandit. I don't want to live without bandit and I don't know how well he'd do without me. When I leave he whines the entire time I'm gone. I just couldn't do that to him. I love that dog almost more than life. Smokie would do ok without me. He'd be sad but he'd get over it. I'm not so sure about Bandit. Why does life have to be so damned hard. I'm sick of it, I don't want to do this anymore. There is too much drama and too much pain, both emotional and physical. Too much to deal with for one person.