Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday July 21, 08, continued

I'm so very depressed today. I just can't shake it. Scott has me in such a bad mood. Then Stacey sent me pictures of Chris. I miss him so much and wish he were here. Life is so much easier when he's here. God how I miss him. It upsets me so bad that he is upset with me and doesn't call me. It upsets me even more that I can't get him a cell phone. I can't do anything for anyone except offer verbal support.

I wish I could shake this depression and anger today. I'm in tears as I type this. I've been totally embarrassed by Scott. Here we have very little food here. I feed all of these damn kids and Jacob orders calizone from All American today, think they'd offer me some? Nope. They ordered pizza last week too and never offered me any. I didn't even know they had done it until I found the empty box under the coffee table. I feel so ashamed over this. That I have to feel this way about food, because it's so scarse. I'm so angry. I said something to Scott about how rude it was for them to do this. He later brings in a piece on a saucer with sauce and I refused it. I had a bolonga sandwich. That's ok, payback's a bitch. And I told Scott they need to find someone else to buy their cigarettes for them, or go get them anyway. They buy them and dumbass me goes and gets them for them. That's stopping right now too. I'm going to quit as I can't buy them and then they won't be allowed to smoke in my house again. And if I find cigarette butts in my yard or patio, they'll be banned from smoking outside too. The war is on. I'm really getting tired of all these kids being over here. They practically live here and I know none of their parents would ever allow this, because they have a family life. We don't even have a family here. I want so bad to go in there and make them all leave. But I'm angry, depressed and just down right pissed

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