Sunday September 28, 08

I'm going out of my mind. I don't know how much more stress I can handle.......I guess I'm getting old. Everything seems so surreal. My entire life feels like it's in a fog and I'm just going through the motions. Day by day, I float through. Nothing really has any meaning, or doesn't seem to anyway. I just took a Xanax, maybe things will at least feel a little bit better after this takes affect. If Chris only knew how his Army life is affecting me. Not that it really matters. It's his life and he has to do what he has to do. But I don't have to like it. It's like a double edge sword. I'm so very proud of him, but this DAMN WAR has to stand in the way of my happiness. It stands in the way of the beauty of his growth and maturity. I know I'll work through this somehow, but right now, I just don't know how. I wish I could go into a coma until it's all over with. At least I wouldn't have to feel the anxiety of it all. Maybe if I slip into a deep enough depression I can't sleep to the point of being comatose. That actually sounds like a plan.

Is this God's purpose and plan for Chris's life? I wish I could put my emotions in writing. It does not feel like I'm doing a very good job.