Monday July 21, 08

I just noticed that I dated yesterday's entry as Saturday July 20th instead of Sunday. Was I so mad I lost a day? Possibly. Scott has got me so mad. This boy won't move for crap. Maybe I should take him to the dump? Something. He is just totally worthless. He treats me like crap. He's now jealous of his friends and I. Well they treat me better. He treats me horribly and Colby has told him so. Ah, to have a son like Colby, I'd be in Heaven and I will be in Heaven before I do. I've got to stop giving Scott anything. I really need to have his phone shut off as he doesn't deserve it. That will totally piss him off and I'm thinking I'll wait till Chris is home visiting before I do that so I'll have some protection. I'll just give the phone to Chris.

Chris is still upset with me. And I feel horrible about what happened. He needed me to put $20 in his checking account so he could get his hair cut before he got in trouble, well I wasn't able to and he got in trouble. I feel so horrible for this and I'll never forgive myself for that. He doesn't call hardly at all anymore. He called long enough yesterday to tell me that he was going into a ballgame, the Army got them all free tickets and to ask if we'd found his phone yet. Then that was the end of the conversation. He always says he'll call back but never does. This just makes me feel the size of a flea. Here it is 10:30 and Scott is still sleeping. The house looks like shit and the Aide will be here in an hour. It isn't her job to clean up after these boys and she doesn't. She will clean the kitchen today and that'll be it. I'll have her to make my bed, but that is about all she'll be able to do because the living room looks like a bomb went off in it. I can't wait till Scott moves out and I can have my home to myself. Still the that one problem remains. I'll have to give Bandit up and I don't want to. That will break my heart. But, I'll have to move to an apartment and I can't take him out for walks as he needs to go. But then, he'll be a little older by then so maybe it will be possible. I still wish I could find a small one bedroom house, or 2 bedroom even, just for me and my dogs. Something with a small yard, so they can go out and do their business. Or Bandit anyway, I'll have to get rid of Smokie. And I've got to see what Chris wants me to do with this cat. I can't keep her for sure and don't want to keep her. I've never really cared for cats. Bandit is about the best thing I've got in my life. He loves me unconditionally. Always has and always will.

I've got to buy a garbage disposal when I get paid. Nine more days. I can't ask the Landlord to as they just bought this one last year sometime. Colby broke it by accident. A spoon was in it and he didn't know it, turned it on and it burned the motor up. Danny came and looked at it. And he said the motor is burned up. I don't really trust his judgement, but I don't have anyone else to look at it. He said he'd put the new one in when I got it. So, I'll get him over here to do that. Hopefully today will be a better day than yesterday. Scott never did clean the kitchen yesterday. Colby did what was done in it. Scott was to load the last load of dishes and of course didn't. I'll just have to apologize to Sarah this morning for the mess that's here and have her do what she can. Usually the Aides will do what ever needs to be done, but she's let me know in so many words that she won't do anything that isn't for me.