I wish yellow wasn't so hard to read. I'd love to type in yellow. But it's just too bright on the eyes.
I was just visiting with Tara about PH and it's affects on me. It just really sucks not being able to breathe well and here I am still smoking. How stupid can I be? This is the most stupid ANYone can be. I'm so ashamed of myself to have so little control. I wish they would stop making cigarettes. But the Government would lose a great deal of income. They claim to care about us? If they do, then why do they allow something to be legal that kills so many people? Money is their God, I don't care what they say. Why not make drugs and other things legal without penalty so they can make money off of them too. I guess because smoking cigarettes isn't an immedicate death as a drunk driver killing someone or someone who is on drugs killing someone. Those are immediate. Why isn't this an issue within the Government? I don't understand and I don't think I ever will understand. They could get rid of them slowly as to not be such a shock to everyone. Like any other change, we'd all get used to it, right? Only allow sales of cigs on certain days per week. Start by cutting out just one day, then cut more as time goes on. People will have to quit slowly and then everyone won't be running rampid because of their addiction. That would be the best way to rid the world of cigarettes. Then once they aren't sold publically anymore, make them illegal and give them the same punishment as a drug dealer and user gets. I think this is a great idea!! Let me get into Congress!! I'd make it happen. lol Yes, all of this is coming from a severe smoker.
Now back to the PH. I hate that my life is being cut short. It scares the hell out of me. I'm going to die way before what my time should have been and part of this is my own fault. Actually, to be true, I can say it's ALL my fault. To start with, if I weren't FAT, I wouldn't have diabetes, not to say I wouldn't have it down the road as all of my mothers siblings and herself had diabetes. They all died of heart failure, so that is a given too. But these things could have come later in life, not beginning at the age of 35. That is when I was dx'd with CHF. I became ill at the age of 31, to begin with. The CFS and FMS. I'd gladly live with those opposed to what I have now. IF I weren't FAT, I would most likely NOT have sleep apnea, which they are blaming right now for the PH. One thing I can say I did do, until a couple of years ago, is I always, always, slept with my CPAP machine. I don't care if I were only sleeping for 30 mins. I had my mask on. And it is said that when a person has Apnea and it's not treated is when they can get PH from it. In the past couple of years, I haven't slept with my mask ALL the time. I take naps without it still. Again, stupid, stupid, stupid. No one has to be hard on me as I'm hard on myself. Not so much anymore though. I've given up a lot in life. Not only things I can't do, but things I should be doing. And then there's the dreaded smoking. A subject I hate. I just can't wait till the Chantix kicks in again. I have to go see Dr. Anderson as he won't just call them in for me. He didn't prescribe them initially and the doc that did isn't around anymore. So I have to make an appt and go see him. I've got a weeks worth, so I have a little bit of time. He'll get onto me for not going to see Dr. Speilman. I don't like him, he's the Cardiologist. I guess I need to reset that appt before I see Dr. Anderson so I can at least say I've got an appt. lol I'm so sneaky! But little do I know, Dr. Speilman has probably told him I didn't show for my appt. Actually I didn't hear the message they left with the appt. date and time until it had passed. Honestly, I didn't. So I've got to reschedule. He comes out here to Yukon so many times per month, so I can see him out here and not have to drive to Mercy. I just love this clinic out here because many of the specialists do that. This might be why Anderson wants me to see Speilman so bad, because he comes here and then the records are here at his location.
Who knows, maybe if I quit smoking, I'm still young enough to get a lung transplant when that time comes and I can live longer. I'm hoping for that anyway. It's scary to think about it, but it's possible.
I'll write more later :)
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