Friday June 20, 08, continued

I'm so upset right now. I called my landlord to check on the electrical problem. I knew she's come over here and check it out and she did. I also knew that even though we flipped the breakers 3 times, she'd come over here and it would work for her and it did. I had to listen, once again, to her tell me that she is selling the house in December, then she came back in and changed the month to Feb or March of next year. "I just can't do this anymore" she says. And makes the comment that it will cost her $2000 to clean this place out. Makes me feel like a hill. I can't do this damn work, my garage is a friggin mess and I never cold get danny and the boys to clean it. Now that it's hot, Scott wants to clean it. I can't go out there in the heat. It will have to wait till this fall. She then took some branches that Colby had cut up and hauled them off. So embarrassing. Maybe I need to get rid of my babies and move to a friggin apartment.

Yep, I'm crying. I don't want to be without my dogs, especially Bandit. We hid the cat in Scott's room. She cannot see that cat. All of this stress. I know Linda (landlord) is stressed to the max as she is very high strung and she has a lot of stressors in her life too. She is close to divorce as well, at the age of nearly 70. And of course she brought him with her and he doesn't like me.

And I'm upset still because I couldn't go to KY. I don't know why I'm still beating myself up. I guess partly because Chris expressed last night how he was depressed that he didn't have anyone there for him yesterday morning. I feel like such a loser. In all aspects of life. Then to think that Stacey will see Chris long before I get to. She is one of Billy's ex's who lives in MD. Billy and her were engaged, she's the one he moved to MD with in 1998. She lives about 15 mins from base. At least Chris will have someone near that he knows. But I want to be there. Life just sucks sometimes. I don't know why I can't get past all of this and I don't know why I get so upset when Linda has to come over here as I know how she's going to act and I also know it's usually just a threat, but still it makes me feel about an inch tall. And she honestly doesn't mean to stress me out, as she vocalizes that. But still it does. Why can't I just take life with a grain of salt? I guess if I could, I wouldn't need therapy and antidepressants.

END