Sunday June 15, 08

Another very painful morning. All of the rain around our State and in our State is causing a great deal of this. And we're going to have it all week to come. lol Oh well, it's part of life anymore. It's just hard to function when I hurt so bad. Scott had to make the dogs food this morning and I talked him into making a pot of coffee. I took my meds and now waiting for them to work. I hope it's not like yesterday where I have to take more cause these didn't work. Doc doesn't give me enough to take extra. Just 3 pills per day and I can take that in just my morning dose. If he could just understand my pain. But he can't feel it unfortunately. I wish I could make him feel it for about a week. I don't think he would deny me pain meds ever again. But then again, he's a man, so I'd have to inflict him during a severe flare week! I think out of all the illnesses I have, the pain is the hardest to deal with. The depression is the 2nd hardest to deal with and the fatigue, we'll just lump that in there.

Four more days and Chris will graduate. I'm not leaving this phone for a second today in case he calls. And Scott's wanting me to go pick up Colby today. Gee, Colby just left here this morning. He should have just stayed. Jacob left this morning too, before we got up. I was so hard asleep that when the phone rang right next to my head this morning at 10, I didn't hear it at all. I sleep so hard once I make myself go to bed. I fought my sleep so hard last night, I fell asleep in bed at around 1 last night and woke up at 4:30 with no mask on. I hate when I do that. I'm afraid one of these days I'm not going to wake back up. But I guess it's just not my time yet.

Scott sure is having a great time with all his friends. He had 4 of them over here last night, two of them girls :) One was his g/f. This is their 2nd round. He broke up with her earlier this year because she's in softball and he never got to see her. She seemed to always have time for her friend Taylre, but never time for him. He's wanting to explore sex. Gosh, I'm praying that he holds off till he is older. At least he is open totally, with me about it. A very rare thing between Mother and Son. I guess this is where my Father role comes in, or part of it anyway.

I miss Chris so much and it's breaking my heart that I won't see him Thursday :( It is just so upsetting. I will wait till tomorrow to cancel my reservations. Who knows, God could drop some money down from the Sky :) I can't wait till he gets to MD and gets set up on the computer. He has his military email addy aready and I've emailed him there too! It will be nice not to have to wait a week for mail. And I'll be able to talk to him on the phone everyday if we want to. This will be so much better and darn it the dog interrupted me, forgot what I was typing. lol Oh yes, it will help me get through the next 4 months before I get to see him again. He plans to invest in the computer video thingies so we can do video calls. That will be so nice. But that's later down the road.

Yep, I'm going to have to get some more medicine. This will make 4 all together that I've had to take just to get this pain under control. I'm running out of pain control options. There isn't much else above Morphine to go on. Not that I know of anyway.

Tim Russet is sure sorely missed. They have named a park after him in Buffalo NY, not far from where his Father just moved from. I guess his Father was moved to WA to be with the family. They are also naming a part of the road that leads to the Buffalo's Stadium after Tim. This is so cool. He was one amazing man. I will miss him too. I used to watch Meet The Press on Sunday's when I was up early enough and I'd record it sometimes if he was going to have someone on there that I wanted to see him pull apart! He did it with such tact. I've been watching a lot of the coverage on his legacy the past couple of days. I'm about to my fill of it. I've learned much about him though. I believe he will even show up in the History books. Rightfully so. I remember waking up yesterday and seeing Matt on the Today Show on Saturday. I knew something was either wrong or I had my days off. As he never works Saturday. Al was even there. He will be missed very much. My heart goes out to his family. As much as he loved being a Father and he won't see his grandkids as his son Luke just graduated from Boston College. Oh and his Father, OMGosh, I just can't imagine the pain he is feeling, losing his only son and they were so very close. I want to read Tim's book, "Big Tim and I" or something like that. I think that will be a very interesting read. I didn't know Tim had written a book, and it's one of two he's published. Both best sellers. Ok, off this subject!

I was just thinking, maybe I take myself for granted? Is that possible? My abilities I take for granted? Perhaps this is why I can't see any good in myself. I honestly don't. When someone points something out that I've done, I think "oh yeah, I did that". How nice of them to notice. I never thought anything of it. I also think this is the way it's supposed to be. I don't feel a person should boast about themselves or their good deeds. And this is yet another reason why I don't see who I am? I've always tried to be the best I can be and the best at it. I always had a good name in the work arena. I still have letters of recommendation that have been written even by the Presidents of Companies I've worked for. They are filed away somewhere. But, my question is why don't the people I love most see any good in me? And if they see it, why do they focus on the negative? These are a few thoughts for me to ponder today.

Maybe I'll write more later. Maybe not! We'll see as the day unfolds.