This sure has turned out to be a very depressing day. I've often thought of robbing a bank, but that would just get me in jail. I don't know how those who do it get away with it. I just know that they always answer for it in the end. Not something I would ever do, lol but sometimes it sounds good!! Oh man, the cost of living is so high. I just don't understand why everything in life has to be so hard. These boys have eaten me out of house and home. I'm calling Manna Pantry tomorrow to see if they will be gracious enough to give me more food. We won't make it on what we have and even with what they give us, there will still be things that are needed. However, I will be grateful for what ever I get. This is all so embarrassing. I would have never dreamt that my life would be so full of shame. I wish I could go into denial of being sick and pick up with my life. I wouldn't know where to start though. But I bet I'd figure it out.
This has been on hell of a day. I feel so tired and numb at the same time. Shana is gone now. She went back to her mothers. I think Chris is making a huge mistake by being with her. She is just too much drama and she'll more than likely turn out to be just like her mother. I do feel for him if he truly does this. I have to try and talk him out of it. But it's his life. He'll have to see for himself, just like with everything else that he's ever done that I've guided him against. She just left here, came back to get her stuff and is gone. When she got here yesterday she seemed to be doped up on Xanax, I'm not so sure about tonight. I think maybe she had an emotional day as she has spent the day talking to her mother and that can be exhausting. Oh well, not my problem. She's having her baby shower on the 7th of July. In which I told her I wouldn't be able to be there because I'm having that heart cath done. She just told me that it was the date she saw her dad last before he died and she's having it that day. To hell with whether or not I can be there. So fuck it. I don't care. I'm going to learn to be a cold hearted bitch. After all she said to Chris about me a few months ago in an email, I'm shocked that I even allowed her in my home. Why am I so friggin stupid? I just lay down and take the shit everyone dishes out. Maybe that's why I'm a bitch because I take too much shit from everyone. And I'm internally angry about it.
Scott has started his crap with his attitude again and today just wasn't a day that I needed it. His friggin friends have my house destroyed and my backyard. I made them clean the living room last night, they moved the rugs out onto the patio and they are still there. I've been telling Scott all friggin day to get them back in the house and they still lay on the patio. He could friggin care less. I hate my life. I just friggin hate it. Charlotte is the lucky one. God took her from her suffering. I can't be so lucky. I guess I haven't suffered long enough yet. He isn't done with me. I'm so angry at Him. I really am. God I HATE this day. I HATE IT. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. If I have to wake up to another day like today............I don't want to wake up again. LIFE JUST SUCKS
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