Sunday August 24, '08

Well, it's been awhile since I've written. I guess it's about time to do so! One thing I keep forgetting to mention in the blog and to Tanja is that someone from Adult Protective Services came out the other day. I wasn't expecting that, so I told the lady, without opening the door, that Tommie wasn't here. I guess this would work something like a child abuse case? I'm not sure. I don't really want Scott hauled off, but I'm just afraid of what will happen. She also mailed me a letter following her visit and neesd to visit with me. She left her business card the day she came. I do want to see her, I'd like to have them as a recourse for when he pulls his crap again. OR they may have us do some kind of class? I don't know what they'll do and that is what scares me. Scott's not worried about it. I told him about it and told him to try and scare him that all I have to do is make the phone call and they'll come haul his butt off. It didn't phase him. Or at least it didn't seem to. He wouldn't show his fear to me anyway. I don't know what to do. Hoping Tanja can advise me what to do.

Everything has been going ok. He still won't do anything at all that I ask him to, or not much of it anyway. He will let the dogs out and that's about it. I think he did make the tea once when I told him to. I'm hurting really bad today and asked him to make us some scrambled eggs. He wouldn't do it, told me to go make myself some. He is such a friggin ass. I just can't stand him sometimes. Actually every time I tell or ask him to do something and he gets his attitude going. That's when I can't stand him and it's every day just about. I guess, I could make things easier and never tell or ask him to do anything. I don't know why I'm such a damn push over. I'll let him drive when he gets his license, which could be tomorrow. I need to not let him drive my car at ALL until he learns how to treat me properly. But I'm too stupid for that.

Chris IS going to Afghanastan in November and that scares the hell out of me. I'm so afraid of losing him. I'll be on pins and needles the entire time he is gone. When I see him next month, it will be the last time for at least 13 months. I just don't know what I'll do with him over there. I might need MORE Xanax, or someone to just knock me out until he returns. I don't want him to go. It's just not fair. He hasn't lived his life yet or not much of it anyway. My gosh, he is ONLY 21 and these other young men and women they are sending over there to the firing line. WAR SUCKS. I HATE IT. I can't believe he has done this to himself and everyone who loves him. To put us under this kind of worry. OMG if he doesn't come back alive, you'll have to put me away. This War has GOT to END, NOW. All of these kids need to be able to come home now. And not in body bags. I hate violence. Never have liked it.

Ok, I've got to get off this subject and my mind off it.