Monday July 4, 08

Hope today is better than yesterday all the way around. Yesterday was a very horrible day all the way till the end. I was in excruciating pain all day. I think I took a total of 9 of my short acting pills. I have NEVER had to do that before. It's the high pressure we are under that is causing the excessive heat. Well, that really increases my pain and that pressure is really bad right now. We won't get a break from it till later this week. I'm pretty painful this morning, but not as bad as I was yesterday morning. I just got up a few min.'s ago, so we'll see how bad it gets. Plus, I feel it will be worse today as I did something yesterday that I'm going to pay a very high price for. It's been a long, long time since I've been to the Dollar Tree or Dollar General. I wanted to go to Dollar General to get my cleaning stuff and paper goods, also so I could buy some dish clothes and bath clothes, or rags. Dollar General isn't very big at all, but OMG the store was HUGE for me. I had to go all the way to the back of course, everything I needed was in the far back corner. I like to have not made it back to the front of the store. I was practically laying on the shopping cart to get back and wasn't able to look for the rags. And I needed them so very badly, I had the clerk to wave Scott inside the store as I didn't have my phone with me. So, I sent him to the back of the store, or almost to the back to get the rags. The clerk told him about where they were. I comes back empty handed, couldn't find them. So the other clerk told him exactly where they were as she was checking out customers too. Once again, he comes back empty handed and this time he commented that he felt so stupid. lol I said "you should" since you can't find the rags. Scott never can find anything, I do mean never. He won't move anything to look and if it doesn't jump out in front of him, he can't find it. Typical male. So this made him upset. He was driving. He got us home safely and without speeding but turned corners hastily. Otherwise the trip home was ok. Then all hell broke loose when we got home. He told me that I need to stop acting like a bitch. To me that is calling me a bitch. Really upset me. I was in such pain after the store and short of breath. Not in very good shape at all. I had asked him to heat me up some soup. I wasn't cooking dinner as I had also cleaned the nasty kitchen yesterday, which took me the better part of the day. My legs are pretty sore this morning and will only get worse as the day goes on. As I'm not accustomed to walking like that, for that long or that far. But, I just had to go in there. I had to have that stuff so the Aide would have something to clean with today when she comes.

Anyway, back to Scott and our blow up. Things got really heated and I was bad, very bad. I called him a Prick, or told him to stop acting like one. He managed to keep his cool and not damage anything. I wound up calling the police because I grounded him and he was leaving with Sage anyway he said. I had told him Sage needed to go home. The cop was of no help at all. Which, really, what could he do? Nothing much I guess. The cops in the past that have come out have at least had a very stern talk with Scott. Not this one. As a matter of fact before he left, he said "Don't call us anymore unless there is a crime". I retorted, I won't ever call you again for anything. I HATE Yukon Cops. They suck. He argued with me over the judge wanting to put me in jail back in Feb. He was a real asshole. I hate men! I honestly do.

So, it turned out that Scott left with Sage, ignoring the grounding all together and they left. Sages Mom came and got them and he's gone. I don't know when he'll be home and I don't care if he comes back.

I really need to do as Karen had once told me to do and move toward getting this house cleaned out and getting rid of a bunch of stuff, then finding a little one bedroom place for me to live. To be prepared for when Scott moves out so I'm not left sitting having to pay all of this. There is no way I can pay it on my income alone, we know this. I will have to move to OKC or Bethany to find something cheap enough for me to live. I don't know what to do, but that does seem like the right thing to do. Not that it is, it just seems like it. I will find a new home for Smokie and Precious. I've got to be able to keep Bandit, but I'm not sure how that will go over. I just can't bare the thought of giving him up :( We'll see, I'm not going to make any hasty decisions. But I have to put some kind of plan in motion.

I'm still not sleeping and I'd almost bet that the Celexa is causing it or playing a role in me not being able to sleep. I didn't even lay in the bed this morning until way after 6am. I kept nodding off sitting on the bed, but didn't lay down until then. And then I only slept 2 hrs, split up.